Better Days?

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted—partially because we’ve had lots of guests for both of our graduations, and partially because I think I felt a little superstitious saying that my most recent infusions have been going better than the first couple. They put me on some new meds for various side effects, and now that we are further from immunotherapy it seems like the inflammatory effects of that treatment have decreased. Together, the effect has been less nerve pain and less issues with acid, so my diet is back to normal. On my off-weeks from chemo, I’ve had good bursts of energy. All “things are going okay” messages during chemo are pretty qualified with buts—I get tired really easily, following the plots of book is challenging, I’m generally kind of fuzzy-headed, etc. However, it turns out you can basically adapt to a whole new life in a month or so, and I’m chugging along.

Graduating felt awesome, and I am so grateful that I was able to attend my program’s graduation (not my larger one or Nico’s, but taking what I can get this year). Pretty much summed up my feelings on that on my social media, but it was encouraging and helped put some fight back in me. I will make it through this to other things.

After graduation, definitely had an emotionally down week. While I was getting diagnosed in late February, Nico was getting a great new job in the Google New York office. The plan pre-cancer is that he would move about a month later (late March) and I’d follow after graduation. Luckily his new boss was amazing and let him work from Chicago until we can move, so he still took the job and whenever I’m strong enough we’ll go. But we would have moved to New York between my graduation and now—and being home alone the week after mine was a reminder that we aren’t packing, aren’t road tripping, and I’m not applying for jobs. Our current cloistered existence is so drastically different from what we thought our life would be right now, and sometimes it feels like someone else’s life entirely. I think Nico’s feeling that more this week following his own graduation, so at least we’re switching off and not sad at the same time? We’re figuring it out.

So here’s what I’ve been up to:

  • Political stuff: Not working during this political dumpster fire of Trump chipping away at civil liberties and the rights of immigrants..well, it just sucks. If you can do things, please do. Go to tomorrow’s march—this fight is not over because Trump signed that executive order. The detention of immigrants across the country (not just at the border) is why I started working on immigration, and a lot of terrible parts about it are not new. The intentional separation of children is a Trump policy and the numbers of people being detained and deported under Trump are stunning–but as my friend Danielle pointed out, family separation has always been an integral part of our country’s deportation policies. Now that people are paying attention to it, please know that it is all bad. Family detention is horrific, the Flores decision should have done away with it forever during the Obama administration, and for-profit incarceration companies have successfully lobbied for policies that needlessly detain immigrants for years. If you’re reading a lot of articles and it sounds like a massive money-making conspiracy on the backs of immigrants, IT IS. Keep reading, keep getting involved, this matters.
  • But YAY OCASIO-CORTES! I’ve watched this video multiple times this week and it’s a little ray of hope for the generation of politics to come:
  • Cooking: Inspired by the hilarious Kara Brown on, I’m getting into making homemade pasta. A really good family friend visited and helped me figure out pasta for the first time, and she also taught me to make a galette, which is a delicious open faced pie that can basically be made with anything. So fun! And cooking projects have been good because it’s a one-day commitment, and then I can sleep as much as I want. Or I can give up partway through and it’s no big deal. Here are some recipes I’ve been enjoying, with Smitten Kitchen forever featured:
  • Reading:
    • Everything I can find about Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. Especially that New York Mag article about BDE that I won’t link here because my family reads this. But find it, it’s hilarious. Very into the fever dream those kids are living and wish them all the best.
    • Light books: Reading complicated or sad stuff is hard and wears me out, and books that details violence, pain, etc, reminds me of my own physical discomfort. So I’m reading mysteries written for my mom, and My American Dream, which so far is a lot of idyllic detail about growing up on a farm in Italy. A+.
  • Watching:
    • A friend sent me seasons 1 and 2 of the Nanny, and we’re both loving it. Fran is hilarious and every episode is like a hug—kind, light storylines and lots of New York talk which gets me excited about our future home. Fun fact: the creators were worried about people not liking that Fran Drescher is Jewish, but she refused to play an Italian American instead and they had to embrace her frequent jokes about shiksas and her Jewish family. The show also has early references to Donald Trump being terrible, Hillary doing more work than Bill, and global warming being a concern. She was basically a woke 90s pioneer.
    • Younger, which is also New York fluff—it’s recent, so more eh that everyone is white, but I’m still watching.
    • The Office-Nico and I have rewatched every season multiple times and I still love it.



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